Covert Camping

by Eliane Ellbogen

One thing must always be known and remembered about covert camping: just about any spot can be slept on. Some are better than others, true, but there really isn’t any reason to pay thirty dollars a night for a bed in a shitty hostel dorm. None!! So here are a few tricks to consider and things to look out for when finding a place to spend the night, without having to dish out a cent.

1)I’ll start with what’s easiest: wilderness camping (as opposed to urban camping). Who needs a tent when a tree will do just fine? A plastic painter’s sheet works splendidly as a ground tarp and folds up really compact. If on the road ― biking, hitchhiking or whatever form of transportation you’re employing, find a spot that’s well-hidden. Don’t be afraid to roam deeper into the woods. If the thought of an axe murderer waiting behind a tree might keep you up all night…keep in mind that trouble usually lurks where people are. So the blinking neon sign of that roadside diner, in reality, is just an illusion of safety. It’s okay to be alone in the woods.

2)More about wilderness camping: if traveling without a motorized vehicle, public campgrounds are amazingly easy to sneak in and out of. Especially during the off-season. Campgrounds in California and Oregon, for example, have hiker/biker campsites that a park ranger may visit at some point in the morning, but if you’re up and out of there at the crack of dawn, you ain’t got much to worry about. I managed to get away with a week of free camping this way while on a bike trip along the West Coast. As for private campgrounds, they’re usually set up for mega RV’s (read: parking lots with a tree or two). Sso don’t bother poking your nose in, unless you have some weird desire to be run over by Uncle Tom and Aunt Sue, out and about on their long-awaited retirement vacation, driving across the United States in a tour bus-sized RV.

3)And now onto urban camping…three words: roofs, parks and backyards. Your best bet by far is to find a flat roof with easy enough access to it. Not too easy, however. You wouldn’t want anybody spotting you and following you up there, so cover your tracks. A roof, in my opinion, is the safest place to sleep in a city or town, and definitely the least noticeable. If you’re opting for grass, again, be sure to choose a spot that is not in plain view of passersby. If a street lamp is keeping you awake, you’re most likely too exposed. Before stretching out for bed, find out if the cops patrol the area you’re thinking of sleeping in. Try stepping into a bar or café and make friends with the bartender. They’ll usually tell you what the cop situation is like without getting suspicious of your illicit activities. To be honest, although sleeping on grass may seem like the better option, the last thing you want is some cop to jerk you out of a pleasant slumber. For that reason alone, public parks are a gamble. If you really want to be bold, though, try ringing on somebody’s doorbell and ask if they’ll let you camp out in their backyard, or courtyard, as I once attempted, with success, in Tucson, Arizona. Scope out the neighbourhood. See if you spot any prayer flags suspended from any windows or any bikes hanging off any front porches. Yes, this probably sounds extremely cliché, but your typical Neo-Buddhist who hangs a string of prayer flags in their window is most likely not to shoot you down for trespassing on their property. If all else fails and you happen to be hanging around a highway exit, truck stops usually boast some kind of TV/movie lounge. But really, if I were so desperate that I’d be ready to snuggle up to some truck driver, I’d stop myself and figure out a way to make it to the roof of the Flying J.

More on urban camping: I once concocted a plan that I’ve never been able to carry through, but have always wished to. Maybe somewhere, at some point, I’ll have the opportunity to pull off this most shameless of covert camping techniques: it makes sense that one would be able to walk right into a Denny’s (an all-night diner for those uninitiated to the American road) with a friend and simply order coffee all night long, till the wee hours of the morning, when signs of life begin to appear with the first rays of sunshine. One could ostensibly alternate cups of coffee with short naps, head bent over the formica tabletop, while the other (aider and abettor in this innocent crime) sits guard, notifying the napper of the waitress’ imminent return.

4)What about the smaller towns, you ask? Laugh if you may, but baseball fields are the way to go. Just about every small town in rural and suburban America has a baseball field. The dugouts are where it’s at: hidden from sight and sheltered from the rain. There’s no thinking twice…if ever in Anytown, USA, head to the local high school and spend the night safe and warm in the dugout of their baseball diamond. Of course, you can always try ringing on a random doorbell, seeking shelter. I must stress here, that there is absolutely no reason to be afraid of gun-toting Republicans, whether it’s your cattle rancher from the open hills of Helmsville, Montana or your Bible-bearing Born-Again from Charleston, South Carolina. Despite what one might think, they’re actually particularly friendly and some of the gosh-darn most helpful folks out there. Last but not least, do not rule out the possibility of trespassing. But for the love of bean and barley soup, do choose your trespassing target wisely. For example, many coastal towns are chock-full of rental properties that aren’t used two thirds of the year. So, hop a fence, find a hidden corner and lay yourself down to sleep.